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This is my first post in a long time. I have been meaning to write but so much has been going on and when my life is in total chaos the last thing I want to do is cry about it.  But then I started thinking, what better way to gain insight by sharing my story and possibly even getting feedback. When I read others advice to me I take it pretty seriously because if something that I am doing isn’t working then maybe a fresh idea from someone else is the best place to start. My problem is that I get discouraged easily and give up as soon as the problem seems too big for me to handle. I used to not be this way and I guess if I can figure out why I am so scared of failure now, it could possibly help me in a ton of areas that I am struggling in now.

So, I know that before I will ever get anything in my life to go according to plan, I have to make the plan first. It’s just my number one problem which I have been struggling with for almost 30 years now is addiction. And if you have ever been addicted to anything or have hada loved one or family member who has,then you know how heartbreaking the whole ordeal can be. Of course, I have had success over the years for some years at staying clean and sober. Those are the most pleasant memories I have besides being a young child. But the rest of my life, when looking back on it, is extremely sad and pathetic. Almost too shameful and embarrassing to ever want to speak of but knowing about how treatment works a I know it comes with it.

I am really ready to stop using and have been for over 2 years now. The main problem I have is that my partner of 8 years, whom I love and adore now more than ever, is not at that point yet. And everyone knows that if someone is not ready to stop then if they are pushed into it, this method never works. So I am kinda at a crossroads. We are and have always been here for one another. I have no family left and he has very little family that he speaks to because of his addiction. So we have become one another a family. It has been amazing to have someone that you have know doubts about being able to depend on them for anything. That’s what we have and just the thought of losing that makes me physically ill. We have been through a whole hell of a lot together and always come to pick the other one up when we have fallen. So am I wrong for not wanting to lose the most amazing, real, and close relationship that I have ever had? We talk about stopping everyday and he seems so much closer to saying he is ready than ever before.

Has anyone else been through anything like this and if so what the heck did you do? I know that my story is not even close to be unique because unfortunately there are more addicts here in the United States than there have been in decades. I had a severe addiction to opiates which is what I was able to overcome and now the problem is meth. Not only does Meth cause numerous health problems but also it has so manyaffects that we may not even knowo until years down the road.

At this point we have been using it as a sex enhancer for the both of us. But I just know that if we were to stop using it then things would eventually go back to the way they were in the beginning.

If there is anyone has had any experience with this sort of thing, I sure would appreciate some thoughts or advice on what the best way to stop would be.


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